My fabulous dream!

I've decided to let go of someone I really liked. It's been really hard but so far so good. I know it was for the best and that it's all going to work out in the end. Anyways that had nothing to do with the subject at hand...
I told my bestie that I'm going to stay single for the rest of my life, she totally freaked out and asked why would I ever do that. I told her that a guy would get in the way of what I'm going to do, so she asked what I was going to do. I'm going to be a writer and I'm going to travel the world taking pictures of God's beautiful creation! She said that I should just find a guy who would put up with that, then I told her that he would have to put up with my craziness and he would have to put up with her because I'm taking her with me almost everywhere. I really don't care if there is a guy, but as long as I'm doing what I'm dreaming of doing, I'm all good! :)

Right Now

I'm doing surprisingly well for right now. But I do have two holes in me that will never be filled by any other people. And at times it hurts worse than others, but I have God with me and that's all that matters. :)
I was watching Sleepy Beauty today, and I thought it was so funny that all of that happened in a day. How can you fall in love with someone in a day? Well Romeo and Juliet did it, but they also died at the end of their story. It's amazing how in all the fairytales, they fall in love within seconds of first seeing them. Where as in real life it takes years, months, or maybe even days, to actually fall in love with someone.
Do fairytales come true? Does love at first sight happen?
As I was watching the movie, I told my sister that I'm going to marry a guy, who is going to take me to the forest so we can dance and sing. lol She kept laughing at me, because I would have the ridiculous smile on my face at some part in the movie. It was because I just love how unrealistic it is and how I wish that would happen to me.

My Feelings

I don't know what I want anymore. I've been avoiding someone I like and I don't even know why. I just really want to talk to him. Why would we talk to me? He probably thinks I'm mad at him or that I'm annoyed by him, but I'm not! But the other guy I like, I don't want to lose him. I'm so screwed up! I thought I had decided on one already, but I guess I didn't. I can't make up my mind on anything. Even the simple things...
I wish someone would just want to talk to me. I'm tried of starting the conversations. It's someone else's turn. I want to feel accepted, to feel wanted, to feel like I belong. I don't belong here though, I don't belong anywhere. The only place I belong is in a corner to deal with my own faults.
Take me away... please... I can't stand it anymore!

Losing

Am I here? Do I really exist? I don't feel like it, I feel like I'm on for a ride and I can't get off. I wanna get off the ride and control what is suppose to be my "life", but something is holding me back. I can't what it is, but I know it's there. This isn't making much sense... but I don't care, it's what I think. My thoughts is the thing I can control. I'm losing that control too. Soon I'll just be here physically, but not mentally. I'm losing parts of myself and I don't know how to get them back. I have to try to hold myself together, but I'm failing. I've never actually won anything, so I know I'm going to lose myself. I'm never going to come back. Once I'm gone, I'll be gone forever. So say your goodbyes now... if you really care...

Too Much

I wish for so much, but none of it ever happens. I mean I get some of the things I wish for, but it's always the things I don't really care for. There's ar least three things on my mind that I really want. One, I want to talk with Jake, I know I'm totally crazy! Two, I want to go to Europe. And three, I just want to not be alone anymore...

Sometimes I feel so cold and all I want is warmth...

My Crazy Thinking

Do I shut myself off for everyone? Am I afraid to get close to anyone? Recently, I've been feeling isolated. Like I would be in a room full of people and still feel so alone... I know there's people I can talk to, but I don't want to. Am I causing myself to be alone? It seems like it. I feel like no one is going through what I'm going through, but I know that's not true. I feel like no one wants me around, but I know that's not true. I just can't help how I feel sometimes. It sucks to be a girl, we have all these emotions and crap. Emotions suck! Except love. I could probably live with love, but then with love comes pain...

The Mirror Image

People say that when you look into the mirror the person on the other side is your true self. When I look into the mirror I see a girl who wants to get out of the mirror, who wants out of the cage, out of the bubble. She just wants to be free. Why won't anyone help her? Why won't anyone set her free? That's my true self, but on the outside I don't want to be rescued. I don't want people to help me. Makes me feel weak, makes me helpless. Who wants to be the damsel in distress when you can be the knight on the white horse?

No one will ever know that this knight is in need of a rescue...

My First Blog

Hey this is my first blog! This one won't be very long or very emotional, because it's the first one. Plus the first one is suppose to be the best. lol As you can tell I'm very crazy. lol I had too much sweets today. Actually I'm like this most of the time, so maybe I have some disorder or something. lol
I can't think of anything else to say at the moment, but I'll probably get some of my other blogs entries from my facebook and put them on here. So yeah...